The love relationship can be one of the most beautiful experiences in a lifetime. At the same time, it can also be one of the greatest distractions ever, the one thing that can change everything. The time and energy that some put into the experience should most importantly be recognized as just that, time and energy. Because relationships do take time and energy, one of the most important decisions we can ever make about relationships will be in regards to timing. Not only who is the right one, but when is the right time and when is not the right time. Yes, we do have the power and even the responsibility to make that decision.
No, we can’t help who we meet or when we meet them, but we can help everything from that point on. As right as it may seem, or as cunning as we can be even towards ourselves, convincing ourselves ‘this has to be the one’, the God-sent, even then it is our responsibility to make wise decisions. Fortunate is the one who learns early on that there are so many other important matters in life than just a relationship. To understand that coming into one’s own as much as possible before the commitment of a relationship, particularly marriage, is the best thing any individual can live by for the sake of that relationship or marriage.
If only we, especially women, had the courage to really believe it’s okay to hold off on placing so much time and energy into a relationship, we could accomplish so many other things. And it’s not that being single is overrated. Perhaps it’s what people actually believe about being single that is overrated. The truth is nothing can compare to the freedom and the opportunity one has in making decisions independently as a single individual, especially when it comes to some of the most important decisions in life, like education, employment, and even how personal time is spent. Take advantage while you can. Unfortunately, too many have fallen victim to ‘the pattern’; graduate high school, go to college, and then marry whomever is in your life at the time, afterall that’s what everybody else is doing. This pattern along with so many other reasons to marry have claimed too many, leading to failed relationships or to unfulfilled lives glossed over by many. But nobody gives a blueprint, nor does anyone have the authority to do so, about when an individual should come into their own, with most of the important matters resolved like ‘who they really are’ and ‘what they’ve been purposed to do’. The truth is, such discoveries are made at different times for different people so we should never base the timing of relationships and/or marriage on any expected pattern designed by anyone.
Timing is so important because one of the most resentful moments that can occur in a premature relationship is when an individual cannot make a decision independently, especially when it pertains to personal growth, an opportunity they now realize should’ve been taken beforehand. One of the toughest moments in the same kind of relationship is when one finally begins to learn things about themselves that may not coincide at all with the relationship itself, or the lifestyle and even beliefs of their mate. Although it is not possible for anyone to know everything about themselves at once and growth is inevitable for most, it is still imperative that we at least have some idea about what our own personal goals are and in what direction life is calling us before we can expect any relationship to have a chance at success.
So ladies in particular, it might be interesting to do a self-check to see if you’re living the distracted life of relationship-neediness. Do you make something out of every man you encounter? Whether it be at the grocery store, on the elevator, or through a friend, and find yourself automatically beginning to wondering who he is and what he’s about, and how you can incorporate him into your life? Have you ever had the courage to say no to a budding relationship because there were more important matters at hand that would occupy your time? Or is there even anything more important in your life? It’s not that relationships should be forbidden. It’s more important to know your ability to be a mate without placing other important matters on the back-burner because of your overwhelming desire to be in a relationship, a desire that can completely blind you towards life altogether and cause you to have so many resentments later.
Yes, a relationship should be one of the most beautiful experiences in life but when the timing is wrong, it can also be your greatest and most resentful distraction. Be smart about it if you want to make the best decision. Don’t allow fear to creep in, fear of missing out, fear that often comes through the insecurities and desperation of others, and cause you to make the wrong decisions about relationships. Know that it’s okay to be free sometimes, in fact, it’s the best way to really get a life, a life of your own…..first.
Tawana R. Powell